It's all about experience...

I have been in the mortgage business for 35 years, but that is not the experience I am speaking of. My journey into reverse mortgages, and the experiences that I have had with my own parents, has provided me with the perspective to help you with your decisions.

My journey started in 2005, when my mother was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s and my father came to me to discuss the available options if we had to put my mother into a nursing home. Their fixed income would not allow them to qualify for a regular mortgage, so I started looking at reverse mortgages, and other “specialty” programs for seniors.

What I discovered frustrated me greatly. It was like hearing a bad radio announcer over and over... “If you are 62 or older, and have equity in your home, you can get a reverse mortgage!” But how did it work? How long would the money last? What if they ran out of money? Serious issues that everyone should be considering were sadly lacking in coverage at that time.

Because of that, I set out to find some answers. The process made me look at the history of reverse mortgages, and look at some of the changes that have been made to eliminate the problems that were prevalent when reverse mortgages first arrived on the scene in 1989. I also reviewed the protections that are now required by law to protect the seniors.

I also started to take a look at the aging process. I asked myself, what happens as we age, how we change, and how we react to all those changes. One of the most valuable courses I took at this time was to become a Certified Senior Advisor. This involved a 775 page textbook, a 5 day intensive seminar, and the toughest studying I have done since college!

I presented my findings to my father, and we decided that a reverse mortgage would be a good option for them if we couldn’t keep my mother at home. Because of the expense, we decided that it would be better to wait and use other investments first. However, I realized that others were facing the same decisions, so I continued the work I began in the reverse mortgage field.

Fast forward a couple years to December 15, 2007 to be exact when my father fell and broke his hip. After spending the holidays in the hospital, a hip replacement topped off that year. I learned about in-home care, and the work, supervision and decisions that needed to be made in that arena. My dad recovered, but was substantially weaker and needed much more assistance around the house. As he continued to decline, he passed away on December 22, 2008, another tough Christmas.

My next lessons revolved around my mother, through grief, Alzheimer’s and issues associated with keeping a senior in her home. You see, in addition to the Alzheimer’s, my mother also had vertigo, which made staying in her home a challenge, especially since the house was a two- stories with all of the full bathrooms upstairs.

We had to see if she could (safely) live alone in the home she had been in for 42 years. After considering many options, we finally remodeled a downstairs bathroom and converted a dining room into a bedroom. By doing this, my mother could stay, but she also needed help. She couldn’t keep up with the house or the yard work, so we had to work with agencies to help in those areas.

Then, late in 2009, the TIA’s started. A TIA is a miniature stroke that lasts for a short while then goes away. After several scary months, she had a massive stroke in January 2010. This required more hospitals, rehab, recovery, another stroke, a pulmonary embolism, and finally time at a skilled nursing facility. But finally, a rather diminished mom was going to come back home.

This meant another level of in-home care, 24 hours a day, with assistance in feeding, bathing and mobility. In learning what the caregivers can and cannot do with regards to administering medicine, and the complexity of visits to the doctors with caregiver. Finally lessons around a senior with vascular dementia (the aftereffects of a stroke) and of psychotic episodes, where my mother would lash out at a caregiver, whether hired or family, and be completely removed from reality. After a month at home, we realized that she needed more extensive care than we could provide, and mom returned to the skilled nursing facility.

This brought us full circle, back to the decision between a reverse mortgage and selling the home. It was clear that my mother would not be able to return home, so in spite of being ready and able to do a reverse mortgage, the home needed to be sold. Cleaning, clearing and repairing was my “summer project” along with trying to manage my mother in the nursing home, and trying to find the right balance of medication to keep her calm, but not so sedated so that she did not know what was happening around her.

The home was listed, that project was handled, but then we were back to the nursing home. We were not happy with the level of care, so I researched assisted living facilities that specialized in memory care. A choice was made, and mom was moved to a wonderful facility that was much better for her.

But then came the final decline. My mother was tired, worn out, and finally passed on in July of 2011.

Unlike many others, I “get it.” I have been around the block in the senior world and understand the tough decisions that need to be made, and how the ripples of those decisions can affect everyone involved. I know that while a reverse mortgage can be a wonderful option, it may not be appropriate for you, just like it was not appropriate for my parents.

My goal is to make sure that you get the information that you need to make a good, “smart” decision, regardless of what that decision is. So please use me as a resource to find out about whether a reverse mortgage will be right for you.